If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
