hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I didn't notice because vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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