In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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