Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
