I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Help. Why am I so naked?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
