Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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