TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
