After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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