There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i out mim tonsoeep
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
