it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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