yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
