Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize