Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
