4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
