If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
