YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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