Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
