That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
