How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
