Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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