Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
