She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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