I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize