I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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