I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
