Your dad touched me again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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