so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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