True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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