i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
