...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
