there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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