I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
a search helicopter?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
