Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize