Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
