So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
