thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
