Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
