I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
