distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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