Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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