Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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