My brain says no but my pants say off.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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