Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize