my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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