Im at strip club and am horny
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize