this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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