You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
