Cold hands, warm shart.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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