i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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