glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
