She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
