my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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