i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
