It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
