Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
