maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
