Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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