i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
