his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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