I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
