so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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