afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i believe in u and ur pee
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize