I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
