the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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