I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
