Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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