So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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