Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
