Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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