i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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