new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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