I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
