The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
