Can Purell be used as lube?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
