i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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