I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
