bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
