I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
