Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
