Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
vagina is talking i cant
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
