I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
