you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
