I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
