Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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