I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
