I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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