i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
