Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize