I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
