I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
