Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we should paint friendship bongs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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