clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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