I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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