ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
