So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize