shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
