Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
