well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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