Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize