I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize