I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
