So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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