I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
