he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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