She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
