I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
