Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(630): View more from Illinois

I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.

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(217): View more from Illinois

it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him

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(518): View more from New York

We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America

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(812): View more from Indiana

Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached

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