ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
