Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
