On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize