So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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