it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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