Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
