Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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