I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
