she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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