At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
