you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
