laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
